Caring for a child with a mental illness can be challenging, particularly when that child has siblings. The family dimensions become stretched due to extra attention and finances being extended to the special needs child's care. It is common for siblings to experience and feel an impact, often in the form of their own unique struggles, such as; anxiety, stress, or other emotional issues. Supporting the sibling of a child with a mental illness often requires a tailored approach. Care and concern from parents and/or caregivers to ensure that each child receives the time, attention, and resources necessary, in order that they achieve their highest potential, becomes tantamount to the preservation of the family unit.

Age Appropriate Approaches

Most parents become aware that a child’s needs and challenges will change and develop with age. This reality is also present for those individuals with children battling a mental illness as well as their siblings. When making an effort to keep the impact on your other children to a minimum, It is important to employ useful age-appropriate approaches. A topic or situation presented to a 4-year-old, most likely will not yield the same results if presented to a 14-year-old.

Let’s consider some of the unique experiences of siblings of special needs children of various ages:

Age 3-5

At this stage, it’s crucial to set aside one-on-one time with a child to provide them with direct attention and present them with appropriate means of communicating regarding the subject matter. This is where infants and younger children begin to develop their personalities. A sibling of a special needs child at this age will struggle to understand why extra attention always seems to go to their sibling. Helping the “well” child understand that their sibling requires help to do things they often do on their own, can show or demonstrate to the “well” child; patience, tolerance, and some comprehension of the situation. It’s also important to use accurate, yet, gentle and kind language such as a euphemism when explaining to them why their sibling needs extra care, as opposed to direct adult verbiage.

Age 6-12

Your child will have friends at this age that may ask questions or make comments about their sibling’s condition. Preparing a child by reviewing or rehearsing with them the way they might deal with such an event can give them confidence at this age. It’s important to help a child to understand that although their sibling may receive more attention or abide by different rules, you have to treat other people the way you would want to be treated were the situation reversed. Express to them that life should be fair.

Age 13+

The teenage years present their own unique challenges and certainly require adjustments on the part of parents. Diagnoses of mental illnesses like Bipolar Disorder, which can be diagnosed very early in an individual’s life, and Schizophrenia which is usually developed in the early teen years, indicate these diseases have no cure to date and are with an individual for life. During this stage, it’s important to allow the siblings of a special needs child to develop a degree of independence in becoming an adult. Often, presenting the option of helping with their sibling as a choice and as a friend gives the “well” child a feeling that they are “special” rather than feeling obligated.

Teens face many struggles of their own, so it’s important to give a little leeway, especially with the siblings of special needs children. Often these children develop the compulsion to be perfect so as not to burden their families. Allowing them room for error without harsh consequences, to grow, make mistakes, and gain a healthy degree of independence will encourage a healthy and important bonding among the siblings.

Positive Impacts

While the impact that siblings feel is often pronounced and challenging to mitigate, there are a number of positive outcomes that stem from their experience with a special needs sibling, particularly if caregivers are able to manage the situation with confidence and genuine love and concern. Many siblings of individuals with special needs develop beneficial characteristics as a result of their experiences, such as empathy, responsibility, and tolerance. Some siblings may even be inspired to work in fields that support those with disabilities. With some effort and information, caregivers are well-positioned to help their children enjoy a healthy childhood alongside their brother or sister who is diagnosed with a mental illness.